Sunshine in the Dragon’s Heart

Book Cover: Sunshine in the Dragon's Heart
Editions:Digital: $ 6.99
ISBN: 978-1-64080-973-4
Print: $ 14.99
ISBN: 978-1-64080-974-1
Pages: 226

When Sunny retires to the northern Ontario wilderness to mourn his parents’ deaths, he’s hoping the change of scenery will afford him some peace and quiet.

His hopes are soon spectacularly dashed.

In self-imposed exile, dragon Emile runs across the Fold between his dimension and Sunny’s—and right into Sunny’s arms. Centuries out of touch with human culture, bright, beautiful Emile incinerates any hope Sunny had for an ordinary existence. With dryads and water sprites coming to life all around them, Sunny can’t deny the magic Emile brings to his life—or his heart. But that same magic leads the unrelenting dragon who would keep Emile captive right to them. To save his love, Sunny will have to reach deep and find some magic of his own.

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Publisher: Dreamspinner Press
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Reviews:Sue on Joyfully Jay lgbtq romance review and more wrote:

Sunshine in the Dragon’s Heart was a delightful mixture of warm and fuzzy tangled with the dark and wild.

Se the link above for the 4.5 star review!

Mari on Bayou Book Junkie wrote:

This was a lovely fantasy story. The writing was very elegant and almost poetic.

See the link above for the full four-star review!

Morningstar on Diverse Reader wrote:

A perfect world of magic, dragons, fantasy and all the things that hide in the forest.

See the link above for the full review.

Christy Duke on Rainbow Book Reviews wrote:

A world I was instantly captivated by and couldn’t stop reading until the last page was turned.

See the link above for the rest of the review


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Wheels and Heels

Book Cover: Wheels and Heels
Part of the Stories From the Hen and Hog series:
  • Wheels and Heels
Editions:Digital: $ 3.99
ISBN: 978-1-62649-702-3
Pages: 70,300
Print: $ 17.90
ISBN: 978-1-62649-703-0
Pages: 265

As a teenager, Ira Bedford fled a troubled home life and people who didn’t understand his penchant for feminine things. In the city, he fell in with Cedric, who found him work as an underage stripper. It took him years to escape Cedric’s influence and try to build a life of his own.

Now, he just wants to be left alone to create his art. But Cedric’s on-going harassment means Ira had to drop out of art school, is squatting in a friend’s apartment, and is still relying on his allure as a sexy, skirt-wearing exotic dancer to pay his bills.

Then he meets Jed. Part-time bartender and the apartment building’s superintendent, Jed is just the right mix of strong, kind, and protective to pull Ira out of hiding. He also welcomes Ira into his chosen family at the Hen and Hog Pub. But Ira yearns for more. Still, he doesn’t dare to hope that Jed will want him and his questionable past, his skirts and high heels, his hang-ups, and the profession he seems unable to escape. But Jed will do anything to prove him wrong.

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Publisher: Riptide Publishing
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Safe and Sound

Book Six

Overcoming past hurts and letting love back in sometimes means reinventing everything about yourself, and sometimes means loving who you already are despite the jagged edges.

Rikki’s past is ugly, painful and full of blood. Simon is getting over a lover who only saw him for his uses, but had no use for his heart. From the outside, they seem like a disaster waiting to happen.

From the moment Simon moves into the same house, they seem to be exactly what the other needs. Except for one small detail. Simon has never been—or wanted to be—the one in charge in the bedroom. And Rikki doesn’t trust himself to keep Simon safe. So when Simon demands independence in all other things, Rikki is sure he’ll have to accept a life of solitude and hold himself inside his cold shell.

Meanwhile, as Simon waits for Rikki to bring the heat, his old lover is still hoping to use him one more time. Rikki is going to have to trust his instincts—and all the deadly skills he’s grown to loathe and fear—to keep his Simon safe.

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Publisher: Titles Currently Out of Print
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Reviews:Beth Jumper on Open Skye Book Reviews wrote:

"I liked this story and will go back and look for the rest of the series."
4 out of 5 stars


Like Heaven on Earth

Book Three

Book Cover: Like Heaven on Earth
Editions:Digital: $ 6.99
ISBN: 978-1-63477-574-8
Pages: 68,160
Print: $ 14.99
ISBN: 978-1-63477-573-1
Pages: 204

Cobalt Winslow lost two loves when his ex-boyfriend, Calvin Denvers, infected him with HIV, taking his health and his place as principal danseur in their New York ballet company when Cobalt became too weak. Now dealing with the aftermath as best he can, Cobalt teaches dance in Toronto with the support of his oldest friends, Conrad and Peridot. The one bright spot in his life is Malory Preston, his brother’s driver and a man who is always there when Cobalt needs him. Kind and attentive, Preston embodies everything Calvin lacks, but Cobalt can’t let go of his unhealthy, long-distance relationship with his ex.

Calvin brings a messy and violent end to their affair, but offers a chance for Cobalt to return to New York—as Calvin's understudy—just when he's on the verge of a real and lasting relationship with Preston. Now Cobalt faces a choice between two loves: dancing and Preston. Preston must show Cobalt that he has the power and support to make the life he wants and deserves, no matter what he decides.

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Publisher: Author - Jaime Samms
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OUTSIDE THE community center, Preston paused on the steps to take in a lungful of fresh air. Despite the cold slush on the sidewalks and the scent of uncovered thawing garbage not yet cleared by the street sweepers, it felt like spring was well and truly on the way. The cold, dry bite of winter chill more and more often gave way to the sweeter, softer hit of damp spring air.

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He smiled to himself. It would be good when that dampness evaporated. The sooner the better. It put an ache in his own crooked legs and a burden on Cobalt’s overworked system. At least here, with the lake effect off Lake Ontario south of the city, the Canadian winter didn’t last as long as it did out west, where he had last danced. He was glad Cobalt had come home for that reason alone. It didn’t hurt that he now had firsthand knowledge of how his boss’s younger brother was doing. Not knowing if he was staying healthy, looking after himself, had been… wearing.

“Hey, Preston.” The voice shook him out of his thoughts, and he glanced up.

“Adam. Hello.”

Adam’s happy grin widened. “You bring Cobalt his dinner?”

Preston gave a curt nod.

“Did he tell you off again?” Adam’s younger brother, Matt, clapped him on the shoulder, a wide, sympathetic expression on his face.

Preston grimaced and wasn’t quick enough to hide it. Something about Adam’s little brother made it impossible to keep his professional polish in place.

“Hang in there, Prest,” Matt said. “He’ll figure it out.”

Preston straightened. “Figure what out, sir?” he asked.

Matt only grinned wider as he hurried inside.

“Ignore him,” Adam advised.

“I’m sure I don’t know what he’s talking about,” Preston insisted, but Adam only gave him a knowing look. “I simply do as Mr. Azure requests and make sure Cobalt is looked after.”

“Okay.” Adam stopped on the top step, and suddenly Preston was eye to eye with the short dancer. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you drive Azure Winslow’s limo for a living.”

“Correct.”

“Since when does that include being on call for Azure’s baby brother 24-7, bringing him takeout from the organic deli, and spying from the lot across the street to make sure he has a ride home from every rehearsal?”

“I—” Preston cleared his throat, unable to stop his glance across the street to where he had parked the limo in an unobtrusive corner of the library’s parking lot. “It’s just that… his neighborhood is….” Preston stuttered to a stop.

Cobalt lived a few scant blocks from Adam’s own family home, and though these days Adam spent most of his time with his new lover in a much better neighborhood, it wouldn’t do to disparage the place he grew up.

“Sketchy?” Adam supplied.

Preston inclined his head a very small degree. “Sir.”

Adam nodded. “Yeah. I know. And I grew up there, so I’m not worried. But your Coby has no clue. It’s good you look out for him, but I think you probably should realize you’re not actually fooling anyone. Except maybe Cobalt, because clueless, like we mentioned.”

“As you mentioned,” Preston pointed out. “His… clues… perhaps lie in teaching foolish young men not to give up on a dream.” Pushing, he knew. But Adam was much closer to his station in life than Cobalt. And he had no right to bad-mouth Preston’s employer. Sort of employer. Whatever. Cobalt’s persistence in making Adam participate in the modern dance classes had helped to convince Adam not to give up dancing altogether when his dream of ballet had disintegrated. Preston felt a small amount of affinity for the younger man.

Preston knew what it meant to lose a dream the way Adam had. A different dream, perhaps, but the despair had surely felt much the same. It had been Cobalt, way back when, who had kept Preston from giving up, as well.

Adam nodded. “Okay. Good point. I’m just saying, I’m not the only one who sees how you look at him when he’s not paying attention.”

Preston said nothing. He knew Adam had caught him looking more than once. It had been kind of the young man not to rub his nose in it. At least, not until now.

“All I’m suggesting,” Adam went on, “is that maybe you try looking at him like that when he is paying attention. See what happens?”

“I’m sure it’s not my place to—”

“Yeah, well.” Adam winked. “I’m sure you’re wrong about that.”

“He comes from a very different world than you and I, sir.”

“Maybe. But he doesn’t live in that world anymore, does he? He gave all that up and chose to live a block and a half from the worst part of the city. Ever wonder why?”

Often.

“Think about it,” Adam said. “Give him a chance to look back at you. What’s the worst that can happen?” He punched Preston’s shoulder lightly and sprinted into the center.

Preston remained on the steps a moment more.

“What is the worst that can happen?” An intriguing thought.

COLLAPSE
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Like You’ve Never Been Hurt

Book Two

Book Cover: Like You've Never Been Hurt
Part of the Dance, Love, Live series:
Editions:Digital: $ 6.99
ISBN: 978-1-63477-254-9
Print: $ 14.99
ISBN: 978-1-63476-991-4
Pages: 200

About to lose the only thing he ever loved, Adam Pittaluga is at a crossroads in a dancing career that has hardly begun. He always wanted to be a ballet dancer, but now that it’s impossible, he turns to Peridot for comfort.

Peridot has been rebuilding his life after losing his ability to dance professionally, his marriage, and very nearly his daughter. He has a lot of reasons to be leery of starting something new, especially with a man as young as Adam.

Adam and Peridot have to believe that starting again can lead to love and success and that sometimes, the strength needed to love like you've never been hurt can be borrowed from unexpected places for a while. But ultimately, they must find it inside themselves to be each other’s happy ending.

To avoid more hurt, they'd miss the chance to dance altogether.

Published:
Publisher: Author - Jaime Samms
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Chapter 1

 

ADAM STOOD in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirrors and studied himself critically. What was it about him that he couldn’t manage to lead a girl through one simple ballet routine? None of the choreography had been challenging, much less beyond his capabilities. Yet he hadn’t managed to make anything of the dance.

And that had been over a year ago. He had to stop obsessing over it.

This was a new year, a new start. His own choreography during that graduating recital, with a willing male partner, had been well received. Conrad had gone out of his way to express how impressed he had been by what he referred to as Adam’s “hidden talent” for choreography, even going so far as to offer Adam an apprenticeship teaching while he saved up for school and auditioned for jobs.

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A year later, the job was a godsend, slowly filling his bank account and keeping his toes on the dance floor as he nursed a ridiculously preventable injury. It helped that he still received plenty of compliments on that first dance. He attributed the lasting impression it had on people to the chemistry and connection he’d shared with his then dance partner, Landry. In their early twenties, they had both been a few years older than the other graduating students, and that fact alone had drawn them together. The chemistry might have been due to the copious amounts of sex they’d been having. Maybe not. But the summer had passed, and Landry had moved on to a university degree involving maths and sciences and come out the end of his first year of university with great marks and a shiny new boyfriend, complete with glasses and a pocket protector. Adam, on the other hand, was still here, wondering if he was, in the end, meant to be a dancer at all.

“I’m supposed to be here,” he muttered. “So what if one guy didn’t think I was worth his time. His loss.” He could ignore the stab of—whatever it was—that made his gut twist. Landry hadn’t even been his type. Not for the long term, anyway, and now he had a life elsewhere. Adam hadn’t wanted to follow him based on the strength of one summer’s worth of good sex and not much more. Now he had a year of learning to teach dance under his belt, the respect of his mentor, and the friendship of everyone in the rapidly growing school. He liked his life. He was ready for whatever this second year of teaching might bring.

He just had to keep up the mantra, and soon enough, it would be true.

Moving with careful deliberation, he placed his hands on the barre, making certain not to put any of his weight there. He shifted his right foot, moving from first to second positon.

His first ballet teacher had a little chant for this. When he’d been knee-high and eager, the singsong—shoulders, hips, heels—had been useful to help a little kid remember where each body part should line up. He used it with the little kids when he was teaching those same basic principles. But if he was going to make a name for himself or even have a career, he had to do better than the basics. He widened his stance so his heels were out just past his hips, then did a plié, studying every minute motion in the mirror.

Knees over his toes. Tailbone curved down. Ribs held up. Shoulders back. Tummy in. Core engaged. He pushed his heels into the floor and lifted with the backs of his thighs, straightening his knees. Plié and stretch, plié and stretch. Over and over.

This wasn’t hard. He stepped back from the barre, shook out his muscles, stretched the backs of his calves, and resumed the position, toes turned out a little more than before. More pliés, more careful attention to his body, then a slightly larger turnout. Another plié.

His hip popped.

“Fuck!” He shifted his weight to his good leg and straightened, ungraceful and sweating, to shake out the offending leg. His hip popped again and he cursed on the inhale.

“Are you all right?” The hairs at the back of Adam’s neck lifted. Peridot’s deep, quiet voice sent a shudder chasing a cascade of goose bumps down his back. The echo of excitement tingled through his balls. His fingers tightened involuntarily around the wood of the barre.

“Did you hurt yourself?”

Adam flicked his gaze up to meet the steady concern in a pair of eyes so changeable, they could appear green some days, or carved from pure amber, as they looked now. The studio’s newest dance instructor, Peridot Nascimbeni watched Adam closely. He’d arrived during Adam’s last year as a student, along with his prodigiously talented then-eight-year-old daughter, who had an attitude that outstripped her ability by half. Not that she wasn’t good. She was. She was just better at making a big deal of herself.

Peridot himself was a legend in Russian ballet. His career had risen like a rocket from nothing to overnight sensation, complete with a successful ballerina wife, Karen. He’d fallen from the public eye in a hail of rumor and criticism and all but disappeared until he’d arrived at the school to teach. Now, he was back, smaller, leaner, and one would never suspect from his demeanor that any of the rumors could be true. He was probably the most down-to-earth, soft-spoken instructor Adam had ever worked with. Over the year they had been teaching together, Adam had learned an immense amount from him about effectively nurturing young talent. It was interesting the lessons in teamwork hadn’t stuck as well with Peridot’s own daughter.

“I asked you a question, boy,” Peridot said, his voice still sliding through that low register. It now held an edge that Adam couldn’t identify and that was at odds with the concern in his eyes. The paradox sent slivers of intense interest through Adam’s gut. “Are you hurt?”

“I am not a boy,” Adam chose to answer, drawing himself back up, using all his training to get the last millimeter out of his height, which still only brought the top of his head to Peridot’s chin. He was twenty-four, but his height—or lack thereof—made people forget he’d been an older student, and probably the oldest to finally graduate from Conrad’s studio. He’d come late to Conrad’s instruction, only finding his home in the studio when he was eighteen. He’d had a lot of bad habits to unlearn before Conrad would give him his final pass, which he’d earned—at last—at twenty-three. He hadn’t complained one bit. Conrad had been the very best instructor he’d ever worked with.

“Then you should be able to answer a simple question, should you not? I saw you favor your right side. Did you hurt yourself?”

“No.” Adam set his right foot on the floor properly and balanced out his weight. There was no pain. There never was. Not after the initial shock of the joint popping. It was just an oddity of how he fit together that gave him trouble every now and then when he widened his stance too far and without care. It was the main reason for his abysmal turnout that gave him so much grief.

“Are you properly warmed up for class?” Peridot asked. “I’d like you to demonstrate some of the more complicated footwork so these students can see what we are building toward.”

“I’ll get ready,” Adam mumbled. He was halfway to his customary corner of the room when Peridot spoke again.

“If you want to be treated like an adult, perhaps you shall begin by acting like an adult, yes?”

Adam felt like sticking out his tongue at the older man. He only scowled.

“A professional adult warms up slowly, making sure he’s ready before he begins exercises he knows to be problematic, and he treats every opportunity to dance with the respect it deserves. You never know when the opportunity to do what we do will be taken from you.” He met Adam’s gaze in the mirror. “Dusty is a perfect example, right under your nose, that you never can be too careful, or get complacent.”

To that, Adam had no response. All the drama with Director Conrad’s new boyfriend, Dusty, over the past year and then some had been a wake-up call. Dusty, a former dancer who had been bashed to within an inch of his life when he was fifteen, had become a fixture at the studio over Adam’s first year of teaching. His childhood trauma had left him with a permanent brain injury and a ruined knee. He was proof. It took one incident beyond Dusty’s control, a matter of minutes, and his promising career had been stolen from him. The fact he could dance at all, ten years later, was a miracle. Adam hoped the miracle held and that the surgery Dusty had scheduled would correct that decade-old knee injury.

“Of course,” Adam said softly. No one made light of such possibilities after seeing Dusty’s struggle.

“Adam.” Peridot’s voice had softened again.

It stopped Adam in his tracks, making him turn with the compelling way it wended through his entire system. That voice was going to undo him. It made him shiver and want things he had told himself over and over he didn’t truly want. Couldn’t have. Should best forget all about, because he didn’t need that kind of distraction. This was his workplace, not a pickup joint. He would have to work with Peridot, hopefully for a long time to come.

“Adam,” Peridot said again, no raised voice, no change in tenor. Just the same inexorable insistence that he would not be ignored.

Adam sighed. “Yes?” He forced himself to meet Peridot’s gaze. Even across the room, those gold-green eyes were mesmerizing. This was a battle against his own will he was never going to win.

“I mean you no disrespect. I don’t belittle you. I speak out of concern.”

“I know.”

Peridot’s formal way of speaking grated on his nerves. The guy wasn’t so much older than Adam. Well, okay, fifteen years or so might be considered an age gap. But Peridot wasn’t from the Victorian age or anything, so why he couldn’t talk like a normal person only irked Adam more. Maybe because the formality of it, the politeness, the refined cant to his words, was just another thing to tingle against Adam’s skin, as if every word had invisible fingers with which to taunt him.

“Do you?” Peridot asked. “Because some days, I think what I say is better heeded by the walls than by you.”

“You’re talking to a wall, dude. Talking. To. A. Wall.” Adam found his fingers clenched to fists in an effort to forestall the creeping mixture of excitement and regret, want and annoyance.

Peridot raised one eyebrow and tilted his head to the side. “I believe I am sometimes, yes.”

“That’s the saying,” Adam snapped. “‘Sometimes I think I’m talking to a wall.’ That’s what you say to a person who’s being a dick and not listening to your good advice.” He snapped his mouth shut.

Peridot said nothing.

The silence stretched.

“I’m going to go warm up,” Adam said, losing the attitude and dropping his shoulders. “I’ll be ready for class.” He worked his fingers loose and shook out his cramped hands.

“Thank you.” Peridot’s own voice had dropped even lower, sounding defeated. “I appreciate that.”

When Adam glanced back over his shoulder, he caught only a glimpse of the older man’s back as he left the room.

What the hell was the matter with Adam? He’d volunteered to help Peridot with the adult ballet classes, so why was he so tense whenever Peridot spoke to him in so reasonable a way?

“Because you’re hot for him, you dumb fuck.” Adam pursed his lips, holding in further vulgarity. This space—the dance studio, the office, the building itself—was a sanctuary. He’d learned when he moved here as a teenager that Conrad ran a different sort of studio. A clean one. A family-oriented space where street talk and attitude were not welcome.

Adam hadn’t found it difficult to purge the blue-collar mannerisms from his speech or to clean up the street from his thoughts when he was here. Bending himself to fit the forms the people around him preferred had never been all that difficult. Not until Peridot.

Peridot Nascimbeni had changed everything, and Adam wasn’t sure he liked it.

COLLAPSE
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Like No One Is Watching

Book One

Book Cover: Like No One Is Watching
Part of the Dance, Love, Live series:
Editions:Digital: $ 5.99
ISBN: 978-1-62380-729-0

One dancer. One cleaner. Two very different worlds.

 If Conrad isn’t good enough to be a principal dancer, at least he makes a stellar teacher, stern with the kids coming through his studio, but chatty with anyone else who stands still too long.

Dusty likes the quiet spaces between words. Since a brutal beating as a teenager, he’s content to go unnoticed, reconciled to his broken brain and a dance career lost before it ever began. Cleaning Conrad’s studio is perfect for a guy who doesn’t want to be the center of anything.

Convinced if Dusty comes out from the shadows, he’ll shine, Conrad can’t seem to leave him to his simple work—or stop talking. Because Dusty not only hears him, he also listens. It’s been a long time since anyone listened.

Far from being annoyed, Dusty is drawn to the man hidden behind Conrad’s babble. But Conrad has the life Dusty never got to have, and wanting someone from that world could shatter him all over again.

This book was previously published. The story has not changed, but this version includes the short story Out of Step, previously only available in the series print anthology.

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VOICES PATTERED on the periphery of his attention, spreading ripples through the still, heavy air of the dance studio. Dusty glanced over his shoulder but saw no one. The room was empty, as was the office beyond, seen through the plate-glass windows.

He sighed. “Hearing things, are you?” he said. Not that that was a new thing. Sometimes he spent so much time on his own, the world in his head and the one outside it blended together. Giving his head a shake, he bent back to his task, shoving his glasses up his nose with the pad of one thumb as he focused. “Come on, now, pretty girl,” he crooned. “This is for your own good, after all.” He gently set the clean plastic juice cup on its edge on the floor and shooed with his other hand.

His quarry scurried away from his probing finger and scuttled into the cup. Quickly, he slapped the lid in place and picked it up.

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“There you have it, darlin’. Safe and sound.” Rising off his knees, he peered past the cup’s logo to the eight-legged beauty inside as he hurried for the door. “Just put you outside where you belong and spare the little ones the trauma, yeah?”

So intent was he on his prize, he didn’t notice another person in the studio until he found himself nose-to-very-broad-chest with him.

“Is there a problem?” the man asked.

“Oh!” Dusty backed a step and looked up. “No! So sorry.” He pushed his glasses up his nose to see the man’s face better. Square jaw, aquiline nose, full, wide mouth, and lashes framing eyes that flashed, faceted and glorious, between them. “I wasn’t watching where I was going,” Dusty said, voice embarrassingly breathy. “Dusty… ah… Hatch.”

Holding out his free hand, elbow bent awkwardly in the tight space between them, Dusty scrunched his nose to keep his glasses usefully in front of his eyes.

The man didn’t seem to have a sense of personal space, but he nodded and tilted his head to one side, as though something about Dusty’s plain, acne-scarred face was incredibly fascinating. Dusty couldn’t imagine what, and the scrutiny forced heat upward to prickle at the edges of his hairline.

Then the man blinked, exaggerated, and shook his upper body as though he was about to spin off to music Dusty couldn’t hear, but he settled. Dusty noticed his eyes were actually starkly pale blue. Intense. And Dusty’s mouth went dry.

The eyes focused on the cup, tucked in close to Dusty’s chest. Sandy-brown hair flopped to one side as the man tilted his head the other way this time. “Conrad,” he said, gaze fixed on the cup. “What’s that?”

Conrad. Dusty jerked back, eyes wide. “Conrad Kosloff.” He gulped, mind filled with the endless hours he’d spent watching this man float across the ballet stage in school. He’d been a sensation even outside the ballet world for a brief time. His talent and his family’s high, moneyed profile had lit up the tabloids in Dusty’s youth, and Dusty hadn’t been immune to the beauty he embodied when he moved.

“I’m so sorry, sir,” Dusty blurted, pushing the images out of his head before his brain short-circuited.

Conrad owned this dance studio, and the last cleaner, Tiffany, had said he was a bear, all growly and prowling around the periphery while she worked, watching to make sure she did everything just so, or didn’t touch that pile, or made sure those things didn’t get moved. To Dusty, he seemed more cougar-like, all sleekly built muscle beneath a tank top and dance tights, tawny skin, and those eyes, focused on him, slightly narrowed, almost predatory. Dusty’s skin tingled. He clutched the cup until the plastic crinkled under his fingers.

Conrad crossed muscled arms over his broad chest. “Did one of the girls leave that in here?” The forbidding timbre of his voice vibrated the air.

“Oh! No. Not at all.” Dusty held it up. “You had a refugee. I’m just putting her outside.”

Two fast steps and Conrad was backed up almost against the stereo table. “I see.” His voice wavered.

“Just a spider,” Dusty reassured. “A small one.”

“Right.” A quick nod. A swallow that made his Adam’s apple bob deeply. “Good.” Another step back. The stereo table rocked, and a pile of CDs clattered to the floor. Bits of plastic casing shattered and shot over the smooth hardwood. “Oh damn!” Conrad’s expletive was colored with trepidation, though.

He was afraid. Dusty schooled the grin into hiding before it made it onto his face. “Just be one sec,” he said softly, holding up a hand and angling to leave the room.

“The floor,” Conrad blurted. “Class starts in twenty minutes. Is it done?”

They both stared a moment at the clear plastic shards sprayed out from the table and Conrad gulped. “Stupid question.”

Dusty pressed his lips together. “Almost. I—”

“I’ll take it.” He held out his hand, lifted his chin, squared his shoulders. His lips tightened. “The garden, I think?”

“I can—”

“Mop the floor.”

Dusty frowned. “Of course. You don’t have to tell me my job.”

That earned him a slow blink. “It has to dry.”

“And it will. Excuse me.” He tried to go around, but Conrad’s graceful, swaying movement cut off his exit.

“I can.” Conrad waggled his fingers at the cup. “Please.”

Please what? Let him deal with a creature he was clearly uncomfortable around? But ultimately, he was the boss, so Dusty held out the cup. Conrad took it between one long finger and his thumb and held it at arm’s length; then he hurried for the side door out into the yard.

Dusty hurriedly pieced together as many of the cases as he could and swept up the remaining bits, then went back to mopping the last section of floor. It took only minutes to finish, and he wheeled the bucket to the back door of the studio. Outside, a six-foot fence had been erected to wall off a gorgeous oasis in the city’s heart. Since the studio floor was washed with plain hot water, he’d been pleased he could empty the bucket out the back door. It kept any grit out of the studio’s aging pipes and saved him having to lift the heavy thing up to the sink in the kitchen. Plus, it benefitted the plants during the more arid parts of the summer.

He would pour the water carefully over the narrow rock garden that controlled weeds and grass in the space between the wall of the building and the fence. That offered the plants on the other side of the fence a source of sustenance as the water drained under the fence and into the garden. That way, water used every day to clean a floor people could probably eat off wasn’t wasted.

As he carried the bucket off the porch to dump now, a soft murmur caught his attention. Setting the full bucket down, he peeked through the fence rails to see Conrad still holding the cup between his fingers, arm straight out from his body, lips moving.

Dusty held his breath to hear what Conrad was saying.

“Not going to hurt you, because obviously, the cute cleaning guy likes you. Just do me a favor and don’t crawl on me. Please. Pretty please.” He squinted at the spider. “God. Take off the lid and dump. Not a problem.” He pulled in a deep breath. His chest rose and fell with it. Sweat glistened in the tiny divot at the collar of his shirt.

“Oh God,” he whispered. His cheeks were pale, and he seemed to be trying to divorce his hand holding the cup from the rest of his body. “No problem. Just.” He gulped. “Take off the lid and dump.”

His strategy had only one flaw Dusty could see. If the spider was quick, she’d spin a web as she fell from the cup, and the silk would let her hang. The breeze would carry the little critter right into its erstwhile rescuer.

Dusty stepped forward, hand on the gate, ready to interrupt, but then Conrad moved fast, ripped the lid free, and upturned the cup.

His scream split the afternoon, and he jumped, probably five feet straight back, dropped the cup, and minced on feet that barely touched the ground until his tight butt fetched up against the fence.

“Easy.” Dusty rushed forward, crouched, and flicked the errant spider free of Conrad’s leg. She landed in the grass and promptly disappeared.

“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod,” Conrad was chanting under his breath, fingers clenching around the wooden slats behind him, eyes closed tight.

“Okay.” Dusty had put a hand on the side of Conrad’s thigh, about to get up, to offer some sort of reassurance, when Conrad’s eyes flew open, luminous and wide, and fixed on him.

“Is it gone?”

Dusty smiled. “She’s gone.”

“Good,” Conrad whispered, gazing down at him, freezing him in place. A heartbeat later, Conrad’s hand came free of the fence and his fingertips brushed over the back of Dusty’s hand, still on his leg.

“S-sorry.” Dusty stood so fast vertigo tilted the earth under his feet.

Conrad’s hands, unyielding but steady and gentle, gripped his upper arms, and Dusty blinked. He’d barely drawn a breath when Conrad took a step toward him, lips parted.

Like gravity, the sight of Conrad’s soft expression drew Dusty to him until Dusty touched his lips to Conrad’s. Or had Conrad done the touching? It was impossible to tell, and it made Dusty sigh out a little breath of expectancy. Then there was no air to breathe, no space, and nothing but the pressure of the kiss.

Dusty closed his eyes, ran fingers over the sides of Conrad’s face, and pressed the advantage of the gasp that ran through Conrad at the touch. He pushed his tongue into Conrad’s mouth and moved them until Conrad was pinned against the fence. Dusty had to stand on his toes to reach properly, but that didn’t stop him until they both needed to breathe.

When he stepped back, lips tingling, breath short, Conrad’s eyes were wide, and his chest heaved. His lips, red and parted, curved in a bemused smile.

“Was that meant to make me forget I just screamed like a little girl?”

“I—” Dusty took a hasty step back. He’d just kissed a complete stranger. He’d had this job for exactly three hours, and he’d tripped over a spider and kissed the man who signed his miniscule paycheck. “Oh shit.”

Conrad’s smile grew. The hand that had come to rest at the side of Dusty’s face exerted a tiny amount of pressure, thumb pad ghosting over his cheekbone and back, like he had brushed away a bit of hair….

“I’m so sorry,” Dusty blurted. “I—I didn’t mean—sir—I—”

Conrad grinned then. “You kiss me like that and then call me sir?”

“Oh God.” Dusty broke away and moved back, out of reach. “I am so sorry.” He turned and fled back inside, through the studio, and out the front door of the building. He had hiked back to his own apartment and was letting himself inside when he remembered he never had emptied the bucket of dirty floor water.

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Reviews:Amy on Amy's MM Romance Revews wrote:

Like No One is Watching is a sweet and touching romance. At it's heart it's about acceptance and healing.

See the link above for the full, four-star review!


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Still Life

Book Cover: Still Life
Editions:Digital: $ 3.99
ISBN: 978-1-62380-102-1

When Allan Song’s ex, Mac, shows up to model for the life drawing class Allan teaches, he turns everything upside-down. Mac is still as infuriatingly attractive as when Allan first met him—and still trying to figure out where he fits on the gender spectrum. He’s more than a little out of control, and he’s taken some stupid risks that have come back to haunt him. If they’re going to get back together, Allan wants a real relationship—but for that, he and Mac will need to look below the surface.

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Prologue

 

 

“STOP!” Allen batted his roommate’s hand off his shoulder.

“You’re getting that look.”

Allen scowled at the textbook on the table in front of him. “What look, Mac?”

A finger pressed lightly to Allen’s forehead, just above the bridge of his nose and his glasses, prompting him to swat again.

“The one that puts this incredibly lickable divot between your brows, turns your lips down at the corners, and tenses your shoulders up until you get a migraine.”

“You sure you’re straight?”

Mac wrinkled his nose and looked away. “I was just trying to ease the tension.”

“Right. That’s why you had your hand over my shoulder and halfway to my chest. I told you to cool it with that shit, straight boy.”

“It’s only to ease the tension,” he insisted.

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“Go find something to do, please. I have to get this paper done.” Mac’s bid to ease the tension was only causing more of it, and not in Allen’s shoulders either. It was getting very hard to ignore his attraction to his supposedly not-gay roommate, and that was just embarrassing.

Mac snarled softly. “I thought you handed that in yesterday.”

“I handed one in yesterday. This one is due on Monday, and I still have to get it in shape. And then type it up.” He sighed and once again pushed Mac’s hand out of his shirt. “I don’t have time for your brand of bicurious tension relief, dude.”

Mac blew a breath out as he trailed his hand off Allen’s shoulder. “I think you got that backward, but you know where to find me if you change your mind.” His hand lingered at the back of Allen’s neck, soft on the warm patch of skin.

“Mac.”

“Right.”

Ten minutes later, Allen’s cell phone beeped. He reached into his backpack for it and glanced at the screen, texted a frowning face back, and hit “send” before dropping it onto the table. It beeped every five minutes until he turned it off.

“Since when don’t you answer your cell?” Mac called from the bedroom.

“Since my dumbass roommate is being a jerk-off and trying to distract me!” He tossed the phone back into his pack and reached for another textbook. He counted six paper airplanes landing on the table, one in his hair, and one in his lap. Probably there were a dozen more peppered over the living room floor.

Mac was a pathetic shot.

Allen ignored them all, though the pink one with the red lip prints smeared across the wings made him smile.

“Where’d you get the lipstick?” he asked, flattening the plane so the lips matched up again.

“My secret stash,” Mac rumbled, still from the bedroom.

Allen chuckled, not a bit surprised Mac would keep a souvenir from one of his conquests.

Sunshine streaked across the table by the time Allen looked up again. That meant it was well past lunch, and he still wasn’t satisfied with his draft, though his stomach growled, far beyond caring about anything but a meal.

“Who’s the dumbass now?” Mac asked, voice gentle as he dropped a plastic plate with a sandwich and handful of potato chips onto the last clear space of table and set a cup of coffee next to it. “Eat.”

Allen glanced over as he picked up half the sandwich. “Nice apron.”

“You like that?”

Allen nodded around the sandwich. “That shade of pink goes with your skin tones.”

“Okay, dude? That is so gay.” Mac stalked off, back toward his room, and Allen nearly choked on the bit of bread in his mouth as he got a luscious eyeful of Mac’s bare ass and long, deliciously muscled legs.

“And that isn’t?” he called after his disappearing friend. “What the fuck, dude?

Mac just laughed.

It took all the tricks Allen knew to get his mind back on the paper he was trying to finish. It was dry, boring fare.

Nothing like that glimpse of Mac’s ass. Mac’s straight, untouchable ass.

“Fuck.” Allen pushed his notebook away.

“Maybe not fucking the first time, yeah?”

“What?” Allen looked up from where he’d been contemplating the image in his mind to where Mac stood leaning on the door frame of his bedroom. “The. Fuck.”

Mac’s face pinked. His expression began to crumble. “You hate it?”

Allen’s brows shot up. “It. Is a dress.”

Mac straightened and ran his hands—decidedly delicate ones, Allen suddenly noticed—down the front of the blue sundress he was wearing. “You hate—”

“No!” Allen shot out of his chair. “I don’t.”

Did he?

“It… actually…” He nodded. “It looks good on you.” And it did. He never would have pictured his friend in a dress, but here he was in front of him—inescapable—and as objective as he could be about it in this moment, he had to admit Mac was suddenly so very, very Mac. More than he ever had been in the two years they’d known each other.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Strangely.” He took a moment to just breathe and look. “Yeah.”

Mac’s bright smile was as wide as ever, but somehow also shy. “Thanks.”

“Yeah.” Allen pushed his glasses up his nose. “Wait. You’re straight.”

Mac’s smile vanished. “I’m a lot of things, actually.”

“Clearly.” Allen took a few steps forward. “Clearly, I have not been paying attention.”

“Very clearly. Are you now?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Mac took the last few steps, and then took Allen’s face in both hands and kissed him in a way that definitely could not be ignored. Or mistaken for straight.

When he let him go, Allen’s glasses were perched crookedly on his nose. Mac carefully removed them and set them on the table. “You’re not freaked out.”

“Processing.”

“Good or bad?” Mac studied him, eyes darting over his face, teeth biting inside his lower lip.

“Stop that.” Allen touched his mouth. “Two years, and you’ve been hiding dresses in your closet all this time?”

“Just the one.” Mac’s voice barely rose above a whisper. “Just in case, you know?”

Allen nodded. “You could pass it off as left behind by some chick if I found it.”

Mac gave a slight, nodding shrug. “Lame, I guess, but—”

“Practical.” Allen reached over and lifted a bit of the silky skirt between thumb and finger. This was new, this fascination about what was under the filmy material. Not that he hadn’t seen Mac swagger around the apartment enough times buck naked, but this was different. Allen liked men. Always had. Liked the way jeans hugged their ass and cradled their parts, and the way a sweater stretched across broad shoulders… And he liked the way this skirt flirted around Mac’s thighs and hid what Allen knew was under there.

He stepped a little closer, dropping the skirt. Laying his palm flat on Mac’s thigh, he slid it up slowly, watching Mac’s flecked hazel eyes for any sign of discomfort. His fingers encountered lace and a hard bulge beneath. He cupped the delicately wrapped package and squeezed.

Mac’s eyes dropped closed, and his breath sighed out. His hips rocked forward, pushing his dick into Allen’s palm.

“You ever been with a guy before?” Allen touched his lips to Mac’s throat and kissed his way up.

“Not seriously.”

Allen leaned back a bit to look into his eyes again. “You sure about this?”

“Very.” He sighed again and leaned into Allen’s caresses. “I’ve been sure about this for two years. I just didn’t know.” He stepped back and spread his arms. “I knew with you, it had to be all or nothing. I didn’t want to hide….”

“Oh.”

“Now you’re freaked out.”

“I never thought a guy in a dress would turn me on like this.”

“Enough to do something about it?” Mac moved, boldly spreading his hand over Allen’s own erection, caged in his jeans.

“Not standing here.”

If anyone had told Allen a guy in a sky-blue sundress would ever drag him off to bed, he would have laughed. From the moment the dress hit the floor, Mac didn’t give Allen a chance to catch enough breath to beg for mercy, never mind laugh. And yet he couldn’t remember sex ever being so much fun as Mac laughed his way through trying to give his first blow job. Allen would have regretted coming all over his face if Mac hadn’t grinned so hard as he wiped it off with his fingers and licked them clean.

Allen wiggled down from where he was leaning against the headboard and pulled Mac against his side. “How did I miss this?”

Mac kissed him gently. “You didn’t. We’re here.”

“I guess so.” Allen breathed in Mac’s scent, closed his eyes, and just relaxed into the idea that this was real. He didn’t remember falling asleep.

Morning. Allen groaned and rolled out of bed. Mac’s bed.

“Oh shit.” Not morning. Sunshine brightening Mac’s western facing bedroom meant the sun was well past up and on its way down again, and he hadn’t even thought about typing his paper. “Shit!”

“Problem?” Mac appeared in the doorway, two cups of steaming coffee in one hand.

Allen half expected to see him in some sort of satin negligee, but he stood there in his familiar old grey track pants rolled up at the cuffs and hanging off his hips in a way that only made Allen want to push them the rest of the way down.

“Don’t even,” Mac warned, holding the coffee out with one hand and his pants up with the other. “You have work to do. Come on.”

Allen sighed, shuffled out to the table, and sat. “I don’t want this degree anymore.”

“Yes, you do.” Mac opened Allen’s laptop and tapped the mouse. “Better read it over. There might be typos. I’m told spell-check is really, really stupid.”

“Oh my God. You typed my paper.”

Mac grinned at him.

“You type with two fingers.”

Mac nodded.

Allen turned in his seat and gazed up at his… lover. “Last night you blew my mind, and this morning you got up and typed up my paper for me.”

Mac shrugged. “You didn’t laugh at the dress.” His grin softened to a less-certain smile. “You have no idea how huge that is, do you?”

“I just don’t know,”—Allen stood and reached for Mac’s hand—“how I never noticed.”

Mac punched his shoulder lightly. “You’re hard to distract.”

“Congratulations. I’m distracted.”

“You sure? Because I could put the dress back on,” Mac offered, pointing in the direction of the bedroom.

“I’m pretty sure all that would accomplish is you ending up naked again.”

“And?”

“And….” Allen glanced at his laptop. “No idea what my point was.”

Mac handed him his coffee and picked up the computer. “Come on. You can read in bed.”

 

 

Chapter One

 

 

A BEAD of sweat gathered at the base of the model’s throat and quivered on the edge of falling for half a minute before it finally broke the surface tension and slid down between his pecs. The twinkle of Christmas lights caught the drop, and it sparkled against dusky skin, all the way down until it disappeared into the sparse dusting of hair. My mouth fucking watered and I glanced around. All my students seemed intent on their easels. Thank God none of them noticed me practically drooling.

I glanced back to the man on the dais to find him watching me, a half smile curling his lips and a sultry glare fixed on me through his lashes. He blinked slowly, once. He fucking knew. Heat flashed up into my cheeks.

Grin widening, he hummed along with “Santa Baby” playing on the radio in the background.

I stepped out of the circle of students and mouthed the word “asshole” at him. He didn’t move a muscle otherwise, but his eyes narrowed a tiny bit and he lowered his gaze. He’d caught me staring, and he knew what he did to me. When he lifted those long lashes again, there was no mistaking the amusement in his eyes.

God, he was a jerk.

Santa, baby, hurry down the chimney—” I hammered the off button on the staticky radio with a snarl. A chorus of complaints rose from the students.

“Wrap it up, people!” I said loudly.

Several students jolted with surprise, but they made hurried assessments of their work, compared it to the model, and made last second additions.

“Mr. Mackenzie, if you could just stay still another few minutes, I’ll grab some pictures and we can tape your feet. Make it easier to find the pose next week.”

“Sure.” The model grinned at me and winked. “Anything you like.”

A refrain of catcalls filled the room and I glared at him.

“Good. Don’t move.” I stalked off and took my time fetching my phone from my jacket pocket.

“You going to Facebook those, Mr. Song?” one of the students asked.

“Professionalism, Bradley.” I snapped a photo from the front and shot Mackenzie a dark glare while he smirked. “I’ll e-mail them to you.”

The class laughed.

Once I had taken the shots and placed dots of masking tape on the dais so Mackenzie could find his spot next class, I patrolled the circle once more, commenting as I went.

“Brad, this is life drawing. I think you’ve shaded the man’s ass to death. It’s not that pretty. Move on. Balance. That goes for all of you. Don’t focus on one single aspect of your subject. Quickest way to lose the big picture. Look at your composition as a whole and find what sets it apart.”

Brad tilted his head and frowned as his gaze roved from his drawing, over the model, back to his work, and finally, back over the model again. At least I wasn’t the only one drooling.

“Seriously, Brad?” I said, leaning closer so the rest of the class couldn’t listen in, “Not that spectacular.”

Brad looked at me like I was crazy. “Don’t get out much do you, Teach?”

I raised an eyebrow and pointed at his drawing, which focused very much on the model’s considerable assets.

“Fine, all right. I might have gotten a little….”

“Picture’s worth a thousand words, Brad. You’re good at likenesses, but there’s more to a person than what he looks like.” I moved on.

“Jenny, nice work. Your proportions are good. You’ve been practicing.” The girl grinned and nodded. “Now remember that people don’t float, darling. Give him some context, yes? You have the Christmas tree in there, but there’s no interaction between subject and setting.” Her face fell. “No one part of the painting is any more important than any other. If it doesn’t work together as a whole, it won’t matter if you managed to draw every wart and wrinkle. It will still look flat and lifeless.”

I moved away from her station and addressed the class. “People don’t come to see art for photorealism, folks. They want to see your soul ripped open and splattered on the canvas. If you can’t bare it all here, in this classroom where it’s safe, you have no business taking this course. Be brave. Show me something.”

I strode to another easel and picked up another girl’s drawing.

“Like this.” I turned the drawing around so the whole class could see it. “Alyssa, here, is not afraid to get in there and really see.”

“She only drew his eyes and lips!” Brad complained.

“But look at it, Brad. I grant you, he has a nice ass, but look at this.” I rotated the smudged charcoal drawing to fully face him. “Tell me what you see.”

“Eyes. Pretty lips.” He shrugged. “A guy holding a Christmas ball and looking at his reflection.”

“He wants something,” Jenny said. “Something really important. He just… wants.” She glanced from the drawing to the man and flushed.

To his credit, Mackenzie didn’t bat an eyelash, but stood motionless for the students still feverishly getting down the last lines and shades.

“Good, Jenny. What else?” I surveyed the students paying attention.

“What else, people? Look!

“Lonely?” Someone asked, voice tentative.

“What, Dillon? You’re not sure?”

The young man shrugged, his attention flitting around to his fellow students. “Okay, fine. That drawing looks pissed off and sad and scared.” He glanced to Alyssa and back to me. “Maybe….” He cleared his throat. “Maybe someone wants to be seen. Noticed. Someone’s angry at being overlooked. Like they feel invisible, and all they want is just someone to look at them.”

“Good!”

Alyssa grabbed the drawing out of my hand and banged it back on her easel. “Whatever,” she mumbled, crossing her arms in front of herself and scowling.

I smiled. “Good. Get mad, Alyssa. Get good and mad. Scream and shout, and then paint, because that’s when you’re going to do your best work. Do me a favor. Go back in your portfolio and juxtapose this drawing with the one you did the first day of class. Come back here next week, and we’ll get Mac—” I snatched the nickname out of the air and slammed it away in my head where it belonged. “Mr. Mackenzie to pose again, and I want you to draw the difference between then and now.” I motioned to him that he could relax, and he eased himself out of the pose as I turned to face the class.

“In fact, I have an even better idea. I want you all to do this over the holidays. Have a good look at where you were when you started this class, and think hard about where you think you want to go. Take everything you’ve learned over first semester and apply it to a new study and show me where you want to end up.”

“That isn’t even a real assignment,” Brad complained. “What are we supposed to draw?”

“You, Bradley. Draw a self-portrait.”

He nodded, a look of relief washing over his face.

“But—”

Half the class groaned.

“Here it comes,” muttered Brad.

“No faces. No hands.” I caught Brad’s eye. “This isn’t about body parts and photorealism. It isn’t about your favorite teddy bear, your dream gallery opening, or all the tools of your trade. It’s about everything in between.” I pointed to Alyssa. “It’s about all the shit nobody knows about you. All the crap you never say out loud, the secrets you keep, and the ones that are killing you a little bit every day. All the bullshit you keep inside until it rots, and all the dreams and ambition and the most fragile bits of yourself you know you’ll never be able to protect, but that you try to anyway.” I pointed to Dillon. “And all the things you see and know that you aren’t supposed to see or know.”

“How?” Brad asked, a whine in his voice.

“I don’t know, Bradley.” I turned to him. “That’s what you have to figure out. Then bring it, show me, and if I believe you, you pass. You can fuck off the entire rest of the year. If you can pull this assignment off, nothing else matters.”

“No more life drawing.”

I shrugged. “That’ll be up to you. If you can convince me you have the guts to do this assignment, and do it for real, I’ll give you a gold star, and you can come join class or not, as you wish. I won’t force you to, and I won’t kick you out.”

“Are you daring me?” His eyes lit up with the challenge, and I puffed my chest out.

“Show me. Make me believe it.”

“Bring it,” he said. “You’ll see.”

“Okay, then.” I faced them all. “You have your assignment. Go forth and wreak havoc on the pub. I’m done with you miscreants ’til next week. It’ll be last class, so think about the assignment and make sure you have all the supplies you need, because I can’t guarantee I’ll be here to open up over the holidays if you forget something.”

“Oh, please.” Bradley snorted. “You aren’t going anywhere. You never do. You probably live here.”

The radio came back on, crooning Harry Bellefonte’s smooth tenor, spoiled by the scratchy static. He was soon nearly drowned out by the rag-tag stragglers chattering as they rinsed chalk and charcoal off their hands. Someone sang along, off tune, about half pennies and Christmas coming.

Bah, humbug.

I listened to the excited babble about holiday plans and drinking parties and tried not to show how eager I was just to have the lot of them out of there. Unobtrusively, Mackenzie hopped off the podium and made it to the washroom to change. I couldn’t help but agree, albeit silently, with Brad’s assessment of his attributes. He had a luscious ass. But then, I’d known that a long time before his first stint as my life drawing class’s model.

I was intimately familiar with the ass. Both the physical one and the man behind the body. My students didn’t need to know that, and I was at least grateful to Mackenzie for keeping that information to himself. Past was past, and I wanted it to stay there.

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By

Off Stage: Beyond the Footlights

Stage Three

Book Cover: Off Stage: Beyond the Footlights
Part of the Off Stage series:
Editions:Digital: $ 6.99
ISBN: 978-1-63533-519-4
Pages: 105,724
Print: $ 17.99
ISBN: 978-1-63533-518-7
Pages: 300

Kilmer and Jacko’s relationship has been foundering for a long time. With the end in sight and despairing that he might never find a Dom who suits him, Kilmer heads to a local bar to drown his sorrows—and meets country singer Tanner.

Tanner feels oddly protective of the broken man and eventually convinces Kilmer to hire him to help remodel the small, sad house Kilmer once shared with Jacko. As Tanner and Kilmer get to know each other, Kilmer regains his lost independence and Tanner’s dominant streak rises to the surface. But will it be a help or a hindrance to the trust they’re trying to build?

The answer might lie in the music Kilmer gave up not long after he met Jacko. Music always granted him solace, clarity, and an outlet for his emotions, and with Tanner’s encouragement, he picks up where he left off. Playing together eases them into honest communication, and though a happily ever after will still take patience and work, taking a chance on each other sounds sweeter with every note.

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Publisher: Dreamspinner Press
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KILMER CAME back to “present and accounted for” as the front door of Vance’s spacious farmhouse flew open. Kilmer was standing on the porch with little idea how he’d gotten there. Light bright enough to make him wince flared into his face. He lifted a hand to cover his eyes, and grimaced.

“Kil?” Vance’s deep voice rumbled through his gut. So familiar because it had once been his touchstone. But Vance sounded so different from Jacko. Had he really not noticed the cool tones in Jacko’s commands that he had learned to heed over the past four years? How had he never noticed the difference? Vance was so… so—not his anymore.

“What are you doin’ here?” Vance grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. “Where are your shoes?”

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“I—” Kilmer glanced down at his bare feet. Maybe they were still in the car. He couldn’t remember.

“Jacko’s been callin’ every five minutes. What happened?”

“Vance?” Len’s voice this time, from where he stood on the stairs. “He’s on the phone again. What do I tell him?”

“He’s here. He’s safe. Tell him to fuck the hell off.”

“Um.” Len’s light steps pattered down a few more stairs. He held the phone out to Kilmer. “You want to talk to him?”

Kilmer took the phone and hit the End button. He handed the receiver to Vance.

“Okay, then,” Len said, voice small but comforting. “Come upstairs.”

They led him, Len in front, and Vance behind like he was afraid Kilmer would fall back down the stairs if he wasn’t there to catch him.

Kilmer felt unsteady and vacant. He wasn’t so sure Vance was wrong to stay where he could catch Kilmer if he stumbled. They made it all the way up, though, and Kilmer continued to follow Len as he led him into their bedroom.

Another bedroom? Now?

Kilmer faltered just inside the doorway.

“Okay.” Vance laid a hand at the small of his back and Kilmer flinched away, because he was covered in a stranger’s mess and even through the cotton shirt, Vance shouldn’t touch that. “Come on.” Vance powered him forward with that touch anyway, either not noticing or ignoring it all. “Sit.”

Kilmer was guided to the bed and he collapsed onto the edge of the mattress.

“Spill,” Vance demanded.

Kilmer shook his head. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t…. He looked up into Vance’s face and saw concern. Worry. No little amount of anger. He turned away from the storm of emotion.

“It wasn’t his fault,” Kilmer said dully. “I knew what I was doin’. I just….”

“What were you doin’?” Vance asked.

Kilmer hefted his gaze up to meet Vance’s. “Endin’ it. In the worst way possible. I—” He’d taken Jacko’s trust and twisted it into barbed wire and insult. He’d hammered the last nail into the coffin of their relationship and let the tiny little bell toll the last gasp of it at Jacko’s feet.

“From the beginnin’,” Vance said, a hand coming to rest on the back of his neck. “Take your time, but tell me everythin’.”

And because in that moment he needed so very badly to have a rule, a lead, one small thing to believe could be real, he took it for a command and he told.

By the end he was sandwiched between them, Len on one side, arm wrapped snuggly around his waist, Vance on the other, hand still at the back of his neck, kneading gently. Both of them had their other hands on him, one on each of his forearms.

“So I left.” Kilmer looked at Vance. “I… don’t actually remember that part. Gettin’ in the car and leavin’.” Though he did have that vision of Jacko on the lawn, barefoot, bare-chested, the looming image of Rocky, broad and strong and waiting in the light of the front door.

“And drivin’?” Vance asked.

Kilmer shook his head. He’d driven the path between his bungalow and the Texas Ex ranch so many times he could do it in his sleep. This time, apparently, he had. It chilled him to realize he had no memory of the drive. Had he turned his headlights on? Had he taken that last turn, the hairpin around the foot of the moraine, wide? How close had he come to the guardrails along the ravine and up over the steep rise? He shuddered. So many ways to die on that stretch of country road.

“Okay,” Vance said, like he had a million times over the past hour as Kilmer haltingly told his story. “You need to shower. You want help?”

Help? Who was going to help him? He shook his head. “I can manage.” He met Vance’s eyes. “I’m okay. I know where everythin’ is. I’ll take the room up here, though. That okay?” Because he didn’t want to sleep in his usual accommodations in the room off the kitchen. It was plain and decent, but it was the help’s space. Barren, just like the spare room at… home.

“You’ll shower here,” Vance decided, pointing to the en suite. “Len, can you find him somethin’ to put on?”

“Sure.” Len jumped up and hurried to the dresser. He found a T-shirt and sweats that had to be Vance’s because there was no way Len’s tiny frame would hold on to the clothes.

The phone rang and Vance picked up. He didn’t even say hello. “He made it here alive. Don’t call again.” He hung up.

Kilmer could have kissed him for that. And he could have crumpled to the floor to cry. He stood very still so he didn’t actually do either.

Len stepped forward and offered the clothing.

Kilmer accepted them and meekly headed into the bathroom. He really should just go across the hall. But both his friends seemed willing to keep him close, and maybe, for just tonight, that was okay. It was what he wanted.

To be okay.

He shucked his jeans, showered, and dried off. His own clothes had been magicked away, so he donned the clean clothes, then peered back out to the bedroom. Vance was sitting up in bed. Len was curled on his side, back to the bathroom, knees up tight, possibly asleep.

“I appreciate this,” Kilmer said, keeping his vice low. “Still want to sleep up here, though.” To Vance he could admit the weakness. Tonight he could be weak. Just this once because Vance knew him.

“Come here.” Vance peeled back the covers and patted the mattress between him and Len.

“No, Van—”

“Lie down,” Len said sleepily. “Get some rest.”

Kilmer’s throat closed, tight and aching. He nodded and climbed up from the foot of the bed, to lie on his back between them. Almost immediately Len rolled over and slung an arm across his chest.

“Night,” Len whispered.

Kilmer glanced at Vance, who shrugged, clicked out the bedside lamp, and shimmied down on Kilmer’s other side.

“You need care,” Vance said matter-of-factly. “Go to sleep.” He planted a kiss on Kilmer’s hair and laced his fingers with Len’s.

They weren’t touching, but Kilmer could feel Vance’s weight and presence, even his heat. Despite the sting behind his eyes, he managed to settle. It wasn’t a solution, but it was a hell of a lot closer to okay here, in the oddness of his friends’ bed, than it had been in the familiarity of his own Dom’s hands.

He didn’t think he would ever sleep, and then he was waking up to sunshine and the smell of coffee.

CHAPTER TWO

KILMER ROLLED onto his back and scrubbed a hand over his face. He was the only one still in bed. The sun was high enough to stream through the window, telling him it was well past his usual wake-up time. The door to the suite’s bathroom was closed, but he heard the shower running. Good. That gave him space to sneak out of the room and hopefully out the back door and into the barn, where he could find some work clothes, get a shovel, and pretend last night had not happened.

Except for the chasm of empty in his gut where all his trust in Jacko had been. Or… had Kilmer been the one to destroy that? He poked about in the shards of his broken relationship but found no real clues as to who had landed the final shattering hammerblow.

Quietly he got up, gathered up T-shirt and jeans from a pile of clean clothes tossed on the foot of the bed. No sign of his boots. He must have left those in the car. He pulled on the jeans, still warm from the dryer, and headed for the stairs, shirt in hand.

The jeans, he realized, weren’t his. They were too long and slipped down his hips, so they had to be Vance’s, but it didn’t matter. They’d cover his ass for the short jog from house to barn, where likely a pair of his own hung in the tack room. He’d return these later.

Halfway to the landing, he heard the clattering of dishes in the kitchen and Len’s sweet tenor humming away.

Shit. No escape through the back, then. Len would see him and Kilmer would have to talk. He scrambled down the last few steps and tried a dash for the front door instead. He could hightail it around the house to freedom.

A heavy thudding sounded just as he touched the handle, shaking the door with the weight of it. He knew—he just knew it was Jacko. Thankfully the curtain hid him from view.

Spinning, he dodged into the office and closed the door most of the way behind him. Footsteps from the kitchen heralded Len’s approach. The front door opened, and he faintly heard a greeting in a low rumbling voice that shook his already unsteady guts into gelatinous goo.

He rested his head on the office doorframe and tried to breathe through the sticky mess.

“What are you doing here?” Len asked coldly.

“Where is he?” Jacko’s bass voice filled the entire front room.

“Sleeping.”

“I need to see him.”

“You fucked up.” Len’s voice was flat, dead of emotion, like a concrete barrier between Jacko and anything the fiery little redhead cared about.

“Not your business, boy,” Jacko rumbled.

Len made a furious noise. The sound of footsteps hurrying down the stairs followed. Kilmer peered out the crack between the office door and its frame as Vance passed, headed for the front door. His friend was dressed in a pair of faded jeans too tight for the button to fasten. His chest still glistened with water.

“Watch how you address my partner,” Vance growled. He placed a hand on Len’s shoulder and stood at his back, a head and more taller than his lover but not towering over him. Just there.

“Always been your problem, Vance,” Jacko said. “You give them too much leeway. You ruined Kilmer. Look at him now. Can’t get the boy to behave no matter what I do.”

“Jacko,” Vance said in warning.

There was a long silence. Feet shuffled, and finally Jacko spoke. “I handled him badly.”

“You think?” Len responded with venom and Vance’s fingers on his shoulder tightened. “I mean,” Len said, subduing his tone though the anger in his expression remained, “maybe instead of handling him, you should have listened to him.”

Kilmer sighed. Maybe Len was right, but that was not Jacko’s way. He dictated. Jacko needed a boy who liked that about him, not one who wanted to second-guess him, who wanted to speak his mind—to defy the very thing Jacko based his dominance on every chance he got. There was a line between intelligently thinking through your Master’s decisions and flagrantly defying the ones you didn’t like. Kilmer had crossed that line some time ago and hadn’t really noticed until it was too late. Perhaps he had defied the spirit of their initial contract, but Jacko had steadfastly refused to renegotiate. Kilmer had an obligation to them both to be true to himself and keep trying.

“Len,” Vance said softly. “Jacko and Kilmer have a different kind of dynamic than we do.”

“Jacko does, maybe,” Len said. “Kil doesn’t, and you”—Len pointed a finger at Jacko—“need to get that before you lose him.”

To Kilmer’s surprise, Jacko nodded. “I do get it.”

“I’m not sure you do.” Vance sounded skeptical.

“He’s special,” Jacko said. “I know that. And I’ve not allowed him to express it.”

Fuck. He couldn’t hide here and listen to them discussing him like he was an interesting problem to solve. He was a human being and Jacko had fucked up. Kilmer had fucked up. The whole fucking thing was fucked the hell up.

“It’s all right,” he said, emerging from hiding.

“You sure?” Vance asked.

Kilmer nodded. “You mind?” He pointed back to the office and Vance dipped his chin in assent.

“You need anything, just call. We’ll be in the kitchen.”

Kilmer gave him the best big-boy smile he could muster and motioned Jacko past him into the room. “Thanks. I’ll be fine.”

How many times had he told Vance that? Every night for how long now, as he climbed into his car and headed for home, he’d said some version of it. How often had he lied to his best friend? He offered an apologetic shrug as Vance turned to give him one last out.

“I gotta do this.” That at least was true.

Inside the room, with the door closed, he turned to face Jacko, braced for his Dom’s disapproval.

“You scared the ever-loving crap out of me last night, boy,” Jacko rumbled. And that had to be true because it was the closest Kilmer had ever heard Jacko come to swearing.

“I’m sorry.”

“What happened? Everything was fine, and then you were losing it—”

“You really think everythin’ is fine?” Kilmer asked.

“It was when you were on your knees. You live for that—”

“For you, Si—Jacko.” He pulled in a deep breath at the stiffening of Jacko’s posture. He didn’t like when Kilmer used his name. It wasn’t supposed to be how they worked. But they were broken, and if Jacko didn’t realize how badly, this might be the only way to show him. As much as it killed to call him anything other than “Sir,” Kilmer could no longer give him that much.

“What?” Jacko stared at him, more intent than angry, and that was actually more unsettling than if he’d lost his temper.

“I lived for you to be that guy,” Kilmer said. “My… touchstone. My rock. Whatever. I did everything you asked when it was you and me. I let you do things no one else has ever been allowed to do because I trusted you to take care of me.”

“And I do.”

“No.” Kilmer’s voice shook. “Not lately. Lately you’ve taken care of your own hurt feelings or embarrassment or whatever the hell you want to call it when I do things like stand up for a friend, instead of fawning at your feet and agreeing with you when you’re wrong.”

“You know your place, boy,” Jacko said, taking a step toward him.

“I thought I did, yes.” Kilmer ached to move closer, to agree with Jacko, to give the older man what he wanted. Give in and have the comfort of his man in his bed again, strong hands to hold him down and give him a place when he was so far from the home he’d grown up in.

But he couldn’t. He could never give in to that temptation again, because Jacko had shown him last night something he’d tried hard for a very long time to ignore. Jacko was Kilmer’s Dom. Not his lover. Not his partner. Barely even his friend. And Kilmer couldn’t live with that kind of relationship any more than he could have lived with Vance’s version of dominance.

“I guess that’s the problem, isn’t it?” Jacko asked. “You always need to think these days. Analyze what we’re doing, instead of just doing it.”

Kilmer stared at him. “Yes.” It was a pretty simple statement in the end. Kilmer had a brain and he used it. Jacko wanted blind obedience.

“Why?” The plea in Jacko’s voice caught Kilmer off guard. “Why now? You never did before. You followed my lead. You let me make the decisions. You did as you were told.”

“Because….” Kilmer faltered. Had he been that pliable? He’d never been so with Vance. Well. Maybe that wasn’t true either.

When he’d been a young man living in Texas, being gay was a trial. He and Vance had bonded over it, and when Vance fled the state and eventually the country to follow his rising musical star, Kilmer followed.

Vance had used the copious amounts of money he made as a country singer to buy this spread in rural Ontario. He’d asked Kilmer to come run it for him when he was on the road, and Kilmer jumped at the chance.

He loved his tight-knit family back in Texas. He did not love how he had to hide so much of himself for them to love him back.

Besides, he and Vance had made a good team. Back home they had been compatible friends and lovers, off and on, for a long time. Then Vance left on his quest for fame. Kilmer saw the tabloid gossip as Vance tumbled downhill fast, drinking too much and screwing indiscriminately. He needed a home and someone to keep it for him. He needed stability. Kilmer could save the domineering singer from himself and make that home. So he packed up and moved to Ontario and into Vance’s life. They picked up their affair where it had dropped off, and Kilmer loved that somewhere along the way, Vance had learned to control his dominance. Kilmer was happy to let the control seep over into their sex life.

Vance wanted a partner in the business and a submissive lover in bed. He wanted a thinking, rational, capable man to run his land and his life when he was busy touring with his music. As long as Vance wasn’t on the scene, Kilmer had delivered, but he’d been unable to subordinate himself to Vance in bed and still maintain his autonomy out of it when Vance came home. It was his own weakness, and he knew it.

The moment Vance came home, Kilmer fell into a pattern of needy uselessness neither of them liked. Their friendship thankfully turned out to be stronger than their love affair, and they let the latter go to preserve the former. They were good friends now, and made a strong, successful business team.

Len and Vance worked because Len wasn’t running the ranch or any other part of Vance’s life. He was his submissive, his lover, and his friend, and he had a life of his own in the music world, was a rock star in his own right. They worked because the personal power dynamic didn’t touch their professional lives.

With his success running the ranch, Kilmer had been so sure he was strong enough to take another Dom and not fall into the same trap. He met Jacko at the bar in town when he’d been playing bass for a house band. They clicked. Kilmer felt sure here was a man strong enough to understand the side of Kilmer that could run a ranch. They had music in common, and Jacko could put Kilmer on his knees with a word and a hand placed just right. That didn’t mean Kilmer would fall under the spell like he had last time. He was still his own man. Jacko would not run his life. He’d been so confident.

Had he failed so utterly?

“Boy.”

Jacko’s stern voice shook him, and he shrugged both shoulders to throw off the yoke before it could settle.

“Not anymore.”

COLLAPSE
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By

Off Stage

Stage One & Two

Book Cover: Off Stage
Editions:Digital: $ 6.99
ISBN: 978-1-63533-299-5
Pages: 221,506

Off Stage: Sets One & Two

The grunge band Firefly was Trevor “Damian” Learner and Lenny Stevens’s dream since they were boys growing up in rural Ontario. They found the right people to live the dream with them, even landed the best representation in the business, but the higher their star rose, the harder it became to ignore their issues.

Now, needing guidance beyond what each other and their bandmates can offer, Damian and Lenny must let go of a relationship that’s hurting everyone around them and accept support from men who know what they need better than they do. Two submissives will never make each other happy without the dominance they both crave but can’t find in each other.

First Damian needs to get his life on the right path and accept the rules Stan sets forth for him. Then Lenny will have to step into the wings, leave the spotlight, and concentrate on his own well-being—and Vance’s guiding hand—before they can help the band reach its potential.

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THE CLUB could not have been any darker and still be considered lit, but Stanley didn’t think better lighting would improve the ambiance. Stage lights bounced over the chanting crowd, glanced off the shabby décor, and disappeared into the farther reaches of the low-ceilinged labyrinth of the bar.

The lead singer prowled downstage, front and center, and took up a position behind the mike. His sulk was infused with sex and the silent command to look at him, see him, and want him. Stanley glanced around the room. Everyone heard that slinky body language. Returning his attention to the stage, he stripped his usual veneer of music executive and watched the younger man through the eyes of the audience.

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Narrow hips, long, lean legs encased in leather, broad shoulders and chest filled out just enough to not be skinny screamed the perfect, soundless note of bad-boy and danger. His clean, fine features were lost under the weight of makeup and spiked hair, but the drama of lean, sharp features accentuated with black liner and lipstick was more than enough to command the attention his undoubtedly pretty face might not get if he’d showed it off naked. And yet, Stanley wished he could see under the façade, because there was something innately provocative about the man his persona came dangerously close to ruining.

“Hey.” The singer’s voice, as dark as his hair and makeup, rolled over the crowd. He sounded sullen and angry, and beside Stanley, Vance Ashcroft shifted his feet and barely held back his signature country-star snarl.

“Why are we here?” Vance asked and made a face as he scooted past a high stool with something thick and sticky splashed across the black vinyl.

“Ignore the décor, Vance.” Stanley moved the stool out of their path with his foot. “We’re here for the entertainment. I want you to hear this guy.”

Vance glanced at the chair and grimaced. He pulled his dark glasses down over his distinctive, arched brows and honey gold eyes as a waitress did a double take. “This doesn’t look like a country crowd,” he drawled, his bass voice quiet, his expression dubious behind the glasses.

“And yet maybe she recognized you.” Stanley shot him a playful smirk. If Vance wasn’t an egomaniac, he still had enough vanity to want to be recognized, even in this dive.

“Because I’m known wherever I go. I am that awesome,” he shot back.

Stanley snorted. “It isn’t a country crowd. She probably thinks you’re freakishly tall.” And he was, rising a decent few inches over Stanley’s six feet two inches. The two of them, standing side by side, made an impressive wall of man, both broad and muscled, and the looks that followed them through the bar told him people noticed.

“Okay, so if I’m not here to listen to country music, then why am I here? What am I goin’ to be able to tell you about—”

“I need your gut reaction.”

Vance didn’t have any more time to argue, because the band they had come to listen to was finally looking like they were going to get around to making music.

“I’ll tell you what. They’re a bunch of drama—”

“Patience,” Stanley advised.

“This had better be worth it. This place is disgustin’.” Vance glared at the man behind the mike. “An’ he looks like a brat.”

“Noted.” Stanley maneuvered around a few milling patrons and positioned the two of them closer to the stage for a better look at the entire band, but not too close to the monitors or speakers. He noticed too that Vance’s gaze didn’t linger long on the lead singer. His expression turned interestingly speculative and his attention returned, more than once, to the guitar player standing slightly too far stage right to look like he was ready to go on.

“Get a load o’ him,” Vance grumbled, turning back to the singer. “He’s got too much guyliner on.”

“Don’t think it’s guyliner anymore when it gets that thick,” Stanley pointed out.

“No. Now it’s a gimmick, and usually, that means he’s tryin’ to hide somethin’. Most often, that he’s got no talent.”

Stanley smiled thinly. Vance was going to eat his words.

The drummer, typically burly, rugged, and fierce under his shining bald dome, shot off a few hard cascades of noise, and the bassist joined him, riffing in the offbeats. On the other side of the stage, the keyboard player jammed restlessly, gaze darting from one band member to the other as heavy synth sawed over the barely controlled chaos.

The lead singer ignored them all. His eyes, pale in the midst of all the black liner, were riveted on his guitarist as the pretty red-headed bombshell of a twink fiddled with his cord, volume, and whammy bar.

“Dude.” The singer wrapped long fingers in a graceful, be-ringed arch over the mike and considered the guitar player. His voice rumbled, low and sexy, through the bar. “Gimme.” Waggling his fingers in the air with a come-hither wink and a half grin got the crowd revved.

The guitarist grinned, an almost-shy expression lighting up his face. He didn’t look up, but he did skim his fingers over his strings and bring forth a surprisingly sensual roll of notes. Finally, he inched his way closer to center stage.

The singer’s chuckle carried over it, played through it, teased at it, the sounds evoking lovers tumbling through sheets. The intertwining music sent a shiver through Stanley.

Beside him, Vance straightened from where he was leaning on the wall. His languid stance changed as he turned watchful, almost predatory, his gaze fixing avidly on the guitar player. Every once in a while, he shot a glare at the singer.

Stanley smirked. It seemed that little ginger man had caught his friend’s attention, and Vance was not appreciating the way the singer eyed his bandmate.

Stanley leaned close so Vance could hear him. “Wait for it.”

Slowly, the guitar ramped up, trilling through the small bar and drawing attention, pulling the bass after it, taunting the drums until they found a rhythm, and the singer was standing behind his mike, swaying, rings glittering, eyes closed. His shoulders folded forward, he cupped himself around the mike stand and the first notes between his lips were a throaty hum, raw and intimidating yet full of wordless need.

Stanley shifted, trying to adjust his stiffening cock without drawing notice. It was incredible to him that one man’s voice could dig into his brain, into his being, and turn him inside out, but every time he’d heard this kid sing, it happened, tonight included, and he had yet to utter an actual word.

“Fuck me, I’ve heard that before,” Vance said, snapping his fingers and grinning. “This little shit—”

Stanley nodded. “Was almost The Next Big Thing, yes. Damian. So he calls himself.”

Then Damian opened his mouth to sing, and Vance closed his. The song was hard-edged, thumping, and vitriolic, sung with the voice of a fallen angel. He hit every note true, even the ones that should have bottomed out in his throat or soared too high for his range. He turned trash garage grunge into something more and deeper and infinitely better.

Every time he glanced up, those pale eyes of his sweeping the crowd from under long, black lashes, his lips curled in a sardonic half smile, Stanley could practically hear the girls sigh through their screaming and cheering. Stanley’s cock responded to the heavy beat, the crooning voice, the high notes. Music always got his blood pumping, but this was something special.

The guy knew how to wrap his audience up in ribbons of want and expectancy. He had next to no experience, but he had an instinct that got the crowd humming with need. The dancing ramped up to frenetic, constant motion. Every gaze was riveted on the stage.

“How did he not win?” Vance called over the noise and the music, his lips close enough to Stanley’s ear to send another, more immediate shiver skittering through him.

Stanley rolled his eyes. “Out and proud never gets the vote. Why I keep telling you to stay the fuck in the closet. Especially you. Country fans don’t do gay.”

Vance shifted away and turned his attention back to the stage without replying.

The set revved up with more of the hard-rocking, razor-edge guitar and throbbing bass. The crowd lapped up every second of it, even the outrageous flirting between the singer and the guitar player, who looked too young, too innocent to be playing guitar like the devil.

The chemistry between the band members electrified every note. It brought out the wild in the crowd and the predator in Vance. It touched something primal in everyone in the room. It was impossible to stay impartial for long. Stanley had come to make a final evaluation of the band, of the singer, and the music. By the middle of the second song, he was too lost in the swirling vortex of keyboards and bass magnetism to be impartial. Even Vance was swaying his hips in circles, arms up and a grin on his face as females gravitated to his perfect ass and broad chest. That was evaluation enough for Stanley. When the man’s man of country music got his groove on, the music was good.

Sooner than he liked, the set wrapped and the band wrestled each other off the stage. It was obvious they had enjoyed playing as much as the screaming crowd had enjoyed listening. In fact, the entire bar was roused into chants calling for more, but the house speakers and canned music overrode them.

Stanley couldn’t blame the crowd. He already knew it would be a long time before he tired of watching the younger man weave that web of complete control over his audience. It was odd that he wanted to join in the begging for more. Vance had been absolutely right. This was not his music. Not what he knew, not what he had grown up listening to and emulating. Certainly not what he had made a career out of selling. But there was something utterly gut-wrenching and authentic about it. That was what would sell it. All Stanley had to do was put it in front of the right people.

“You’re gettin’ that look!” Vance shouted at him over the bar beats that rose to inadequately fill the void the band had left.

“What look?” Stanley wound through the milling people toward the exit and the washrooms, but Vance snagged his arm and stopped him.

“Where you goin’?”

Stanley grinned. “I’ve seen all I need to, dancing bear.”

“You’re leavin’?” Vance ignored the jibe. That lack of shame over his dance moves was a sure sign he had totally gotten into the music. That was all the stamp of approval Stanley needed.

“Got what I came for,” Stanley told him. There was no more honest reaction from Vance than him dancing or showing willingness to stay through piped-in dance mixes for the next set.

“I’m dancin’.” Vance tightened his grip on Stanley’s arm and hauled him toward the stage. He pointed to the groupies who huddled near the edge of the floor to watch him.

“Don’t let me stop you.” Stanley didn’t try to escape, though. The music had gotten into his blood, and he was a little high on it, more than ready to see where Vance’s dancing and getting sweaty might lead. He eyed the throng of young women all but throwing themselves at the tall singer. “You are gay,” he reminded his friend, lips close to Vance’s ear. “In case you’d forgotten.”

“My manager won’t let me pick one o’ them.” He jerked a thumb at a substantial knot of young, buff men closer to the stage. There was no doubt by the way they groped and gyrated they had no interest in the women.

“Your manager is a wise man,” Stanley pointed out.

“Well, wise or not, he’s also horny, an’ he’s only getting laid if he dances with me first.” Vance’s fingers tightened, and Stanley’s cock immediately responded.

He could hardly say he didn’t want to accept the handsome singer’s invitation, even if they had to disguise it by surrounding themselves with fawning groupies. It wouldn’t be the first time. He wouldn’t be averse to staying for another set from the band either. He knew he was going to sign them, whatever he had to do to convince them, so technically, his job here was done.

That left the rest of the night to see where the music could take them.

“One thing first,” he told Vance, and quickly got out his phone. He sent an already-prepared e-mail to his assistant, Miranda. She would get things in motion for a meeting with the lead singer Monday morning. Once he hit Send, he was officially off the clock.

He stuffed the cell back into his pocket and gave in to the hands hauling him out onto the floor. If one or two of those hands were Vance’s, he decided not to comment. He was hardly going to say no to that action. Not on the dance floor, and not afterward. When the girls whooped and hollered for the “straight” boys to dirty-dance with each other, it was as good an excuse as any to shed his manager hat and take advantage of the fact no one here recognized Vance Ashcroft, one of the biggest country and western stars on the planet. There was something to be said for grunge rock and the dives where it flourished.

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Off Stage: Right

Set One

Book Cover: Off Stage: Right
Editions:Digital
ISBN: 978-1-62380-560-9
Print: $ 17.99
ISBN: 978-1-62380-559-3
Pages: 350

Damian Learner and his grunge band, Firefly, are on a meteoric rise to success. If they get the right break, fame awaits. Seeking more professional management, Damian independently strikes a bargain with the best agent in the business, Stanley Krane. Unable to afford the penalty for breaking old contracts, Damian agrees when Stan’s best friend, country and Western megastar Vance Ashcroft, offers to buy him out of his old contract.

Overwhelmed by a crippling loan, secretive guilt, Stanley’s expectations, and a volatile relationship with Lenny, Firefly’s lead guitarist, Damian disintegrates. Bad habits of too much sex, booze, and drugs create a rift in the band. Finally Vance, with his understanding of Dominant/submissive behavior, sees that submissives Damian and Lenny are falling into chaos, clinging to each other to try to avoid the inevitable crash.

When the pressure to perform becomes too much and the unthinkable happens, Damian and Lenny have to decide: accept that they need something they can’t get from each other, or burn out and take Firefly with them. Vance is ready to claim Lenny, but even Stan’s hesitant agreement to give Damian the direction he needs might not be enough for Damian—or the band—if he loses Lenny.

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1

 

 

THE club could not have been any darker and still be considered lit, but Stanley didn’t think better lighting would improve the ambiance. Stage lights bounced over the chanting crowd, glanced off the shabby décor, and disappeared into the farther reaches of the low-ceilinged labyrinth of the bar.

The lead singer prowled downstage, front and center, and took up a position behind the mike. His sulk was infused with sex and the silent command to look at him, see him, and want him. Stanley glanced around the room. Everyone heard that slinky body language. Returning his attention to the stage, he stripped his usual veneer of music executive and watched the younger man through the eyes of the audience.

READ MORE

Narrow hips, long, lean legs encased in leather, broad shoulders and chest filled out just enough to not be skinny screamed the perfect, soundless note of bad-boy and danger. His clean, fine features were lost under the weight of makeup and spiked hair, but the drama of lean, sharp features accentuated with black liner and lipstick was more than enough to command the attention his undoubtedly pretty face might not get if he’d showed it off naked. And yet, Stanley wished he could see under the façade, because there was something innately provocative about the man his persona came dangerously close to ruining.

“Hey.” The singer’s voice, as dark as his hair and makeup, rolled over the crowd. He sounded sullen and angry, and beside Stanley, Vance Ashcroft shifted his feet and barely held back his signature country-star snarl.

“Why are we here?” Vance asked and made a face as he scooted past a high stool with something thick and sticky splashed across the black vinyl.

“Ignore the décor, Vance.” Stanley moved the stool out of their path with his foot. “We’re here for the entertainment. I want you to hear this guy.”

Vance glanced at the chair and grimaced. He pulled his dark glasses down over his distinctive, arched brows and honey gold eyes as a waitress did a double take. “This doesn’t look like a country crowd,” he drawled, his bass voice quiet, his expression dubious behind the glasses.

“And yet maybe she recognized you.” Stanley shot him a playful smirk. If Vance wasn’t an egomaniac, he still had enough vanity to want to be recognized, even in this dive.

“Because I’m known wherever I go. I am that awesome,” he shot back.

Stanley snorted. “It isn’t a country crowd. She probably thinks you’re freakishly tall.” And he was, rising a decent few inches over Stanley’s six feet two inches. The two of them, standing side by side, made an impressive wall of man, both broad and muscled, and the looks that followed them through the bar told him people noticed.

“Okay, so if I’m not here to listen to country music, then why am I here? What am I goin’ to be able to tell you about—”

“I need your gut reaction.”

Vance didn’t have any more time to argue, because the band they had come to listen to was finally looking like they were going to get around to making music.

“I’ll tell you what. They’re a bunch of drama—”

“Patience,” Stanley advised.

“This had better be worth it. This place is disgustin’.” Vance glared at the man behind the mike. “An’ he looks like a brat.”

“Noted.” Stanley maneuvered around a few milling patrons and positioned the two of them closer to the stage for a better look at the entire band, but not too close to the monitors or speakers. He noticed, too, that Vance’s gaze didn’t linger long on the lead singer. His expression turned interestingly speculative and his attention returned, more than once, to the guitar player standing slightly too far stage right to look like he was ready to go on.

“Get a load o’ him,” Vance grumbled, turning back to the singer. “He’s got too much guy liner on.”

“Don’t think it’s guy liner anymore when it gets that thick,” Stanley pointed out.

“No. Now it’s a gimmick, and usually, that means he’s tryin’ to hide somethin’. Most often, that he’s got no talent.”

Stanley smiled thinly. Vance was going to eat his words.

The drummer, typically burly, rugged, and fierce under his shining bald dome, shot off a few hard cascades of noise, and the bassist joined him, riffing in the offbeats. On the other side of the stage, the keyboard player jammed restlessly, gaze darting from one band member to the other as heavy synth sawed over the barely controlled chaos.

The lead singer ignored them all. His eyes, pale in the midst of all the black liner, were riveted on his guitarist as the pretty red-headed bombshell of a twink fiddled with his cord, volume, and whammy bar.

“Dude.” The singer wrapped long fingers in a graceful, be-ringed arch over the mike and considered the guitar player. His voice rumbled, low and sexy, through the bar. “Gimme.” Waggling his fingers in the air with a come-hither wink and a half grin got the crowd revved.

The guitarist grinned, an almost-shy expression lighting up his face. He didn’t look up, but he did skim his fingers over his strings and bring forth a surprisingly sensual roll of notes. Finally, he inched his way closer to center stage.

The singer’s chuckle carried over it, played through it, teased at it, the sounds evoking lovers tumbling through sheets. The intertwining music sent a shiver through Stanley.

Beside him, Vance straightened from where he was leaning on the wall. His languid stance changed as he turned watchful, almost predatory, his gaze fixing avidly on the guitar player. Every once in a while, he shot a glare at the singer.

Stanley smirked. It seemed that little ginger man had caught his friend’s attention, and Vance was not appreciating the way the singer eyed his bandmate.

Stanley leaned close so Vance could hear him. “Wait for it.”

Slowly, the guitar ramped up, trilling through the small bar and drawing attention, pulling the bass after it, taunting the drums until they found a rhythm, and the singer was standing behind his mike, swaying, rings glittering, eyes closed. His shoulders folded forward, he cupped himself around the mike stand and the first notes between his lips were a throaty hum, raw and intimidating yet full of wordless need.

Stanley shifted, trying to adjust his stiffening cock without drawing notice. It was incredible to him that one man’s voice could dig into his brain, into his being, and turn him inside out, but every time he’d heard this kid sing, it happened, tonight included, and he had yet to utter an actual word.

“Fuck me, I’ve heard that before,” Vance said, snapping his fingers and grinning. “This little shit—”

Stanley nodded. “Was almost The Next Big Thing, yes. Damian. So he calls himself.”

Then Damian opened his mouth to sing, and Vance closed his. The song was hard-edged, thumping, and vitriolic, sung with the voice of a fallen angel. He hit every note true, even the ones that should have bottomed out in his throat or soared too high for his range. He turned trash garage grunge into something more and deeper and infinitely better.

Every time he glanced up, those pale eyes of his sweeping the crowd from under long, black lashes, his lips curled in a sardonic half smile, Stanley could practically hear the girls sigh through their screaming and cheering. Stanley’s cock responded to the heavy beat, the crooning voice, the high notes. Music always got his blood pumping, but this was something special.

The guy knew how to wrap his audience up in ribbons of want and expectancy. He had next to no experience, but he had an instinct that got the crowd humming with need. The dancing ramped up to frenetic, constant motion. Every gaze was riveted on the stage.

“How did he not win?” Vance called over the noise and the music, his lips close enough to Stanley’s ear to send another, more immediate shiver skittering through him.

Stanley rolled his eyes. “Out and proud never gets the vote. Why I keep telling you to stay the fuck in the closet. Especially you. Country fans don’t do gay.”

Vance shifted away and turned his attention back to the stage without replying.

The set revved up with more of the hard-rocking, razor-edge guitar and throbbing bass. The crowd lapped up every second of it, even the outrageous flirting between the singer and the guitar player, who looked too young, too innocent to be playing guitar like the devil.

The chemistry between the band members electrified every note. It brought out the wild in the crowd and the predator in Vance. It touched something primal in everyone in the room. It was impossible to stay impartial for long. Stanley had come to make a final evaluation of the band, of the singer, and the music. By the middle of the second song, he was too lost in the swirling vortex of keyboards and bass magnetism to be impartial. Even Vance was swaying his hips in circles, arms up and a grin on his face as females gravitated to his perfect ass and broad chest. That was evaluation enough for Stanley. When the man’s man of country music got his groove on, the music was good.

Sooner than he liked, the set wrapped and the band wrestled each other off the stage. It was obvious they had enjoyed playing as much as the screaming crowd had enjoyed listening. In fact, the entire bar was roused into chants calling for more, but the house speakers and canned music overrode them.

Stanley couldn’t blame the crowd. He already knew it would be a long time before he tired of watching the younger man weave that web of complete control over his audience. It was odd that he wanted to join in the begging for more. Vance had been absolutely right. This was not his music. Not what he knew, not what he had grown up listening to and emulating. Certainly not what he had made a career out of selling. But there was something utterly gut-wrenching and authentic about it. That was what would sell it. All Stanley had to do was put it in front of the right people.

“You’re gettin’ that look!” Vance shouted at him over the bar beats that rose to inadequately fill the void the band had left.

“What look?” Stanley wound through the milling people toward the exit and the washrooms, but Vance snagged his arm and stopped him.

“Where you goin’?”

Stanley grinned. “I’ve seen all I need to, dancing bear.”

“You’re leavin’?” Vance ignored the jibe. That lack of shame over his dance moves was a sure sign he had totally gotten into the music. That was all the stamp of approval Stanley needed.

“Got what I came for,” Stanley told him. There was no more honest reaction from Vance than him dancing or showing willingness to stay through piped-in dance mixes for the next set.

“I’m dancin’.” Vance tightened his grip on Stanley’s arm and hauled him toward the stage. He pointed to the groupies who huddled near the edge of the floor to watch him.

“Don’t let me stop you.” Stanley didn’t try to escape, though. The music had gotten into his blood, and he was a little high on it, more than ready to see where Vance’s dancing and getting sweaty might lead. He eyed the throng of young women all but throwing themselves at the tall singer. “You are gay,” he reminded his friend, lips close to Vance’s ear. “In case you’d forgotten.”

“My manager won’t let me pick one o’ them.” He jerked a thumb at a substantial knot of young, buff men closer to the stage. There was no doubt by the way they groped and gyrated they had no interest in the women.

“Your manager is a wise man,” Stanley pointed out.

“Well, wise or not, he’s also horny, an’ he’s only getting laid if he dances with me first.” Vance’s fingers tightened, and Stanley’s cock immediately responded.

He could hardly say he didn’t want to accept the handsome singer’s invitation, even if they had to disguise it by surrounding themselves with fawning groupies. It wouldn’t be the first time. He wouldn’t be averse to staying for another set from the band, either. He knew he was going to sign them, whatever he had to do to convince them, so technically, his job here was done.

That left the rest of the night to see where the music could take them.

“One thing first,” he told Vance, and quickly got out his phone. He sent an already-prepared e-mail to his assistant, Miranda. She would get things in motion for a meeting with the lead singer Monday morning. Once he hit Send, he was officially off the clock.

He stuffed the cell back into his pocket and gave in to the hands hauling him out onto the floor. If one or two of those hands were Vance’s, he decided not to comment. He was hardly going to say no to that action. Not on the dance floor, and not afterward. When the girls whooped and hollered for the “straight” boys to dirty dance with each other, it was as good an excuse as any to shed his manager hat and take advantage of the fact no one here recognized Vance Ashcroft, one of the biggest country and western stars on the planet. There was something to be said for grunge rock and the dives where it flourished.

 

 

“NNGH.” Stanley rolled over to encounter the sticky bulk of Vance’s body blocking his way to the bathroom. “G-up,” he mumbled, giving the other man a heave. He might as well have been shoving a house for all he managed to move the brick-hard, muscled body out of his way.

“Go over.” Vance’s eyes flickered but didn’t open.

“Jerk.” Stanley dragged himself up and proceeded to crawl over Vance’s back only to be hauled back and rolled under the bigger man as he wrapped a thick arm around Stanley’s middle.

“Wait.”

“God, your breath stinks.” Stanley wiggled, but gained no freedom. “And I gotta piss. Lemme up.”

“Kiss me first.”

“Brush your teeth first. You smell like a still.”

“Good fucking mornin’ to you too.” Vance rolled off him and flopped onto his back.

“Don’t pout.” Shimmying out of the bed before Vance could rethink allowing his freedom, Stanley hurried to the bathroom and closed the door.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to kiss the man. Just that the morning after always left him wondering if the night before had been a very bad idea. His backside, as he hobbled to the bathroom, agreed with him. He was finishing his oral hygiene and contemplating the multi-head shower—at least they had checked into a good hotel, though for the life of him he couldn’t remember why they hadn’t gone back to his place—when Vance knocked and walked in.

He didn’t say anything, just opened a toothbrush package, slathered on paste, and spent five silent, glaring minutes scrubbing the hangover fuzz from his mouth.

“Now?” Vance asked once he’d spit and rinsed.

“Now what?” Stanley eyed him, having very little confidence that playing dumb would get him anywhere.

Vance rounded from glaring at him in the mirror to glaring straight at him and stalked him across the cold tiles until his back fetched up against the shower doors.

“Now,” he growled.

The moment Stanley opened his mouth to protest, Vance descended, taking possession and running a hand midway up Stanley’s torso, stopping at his waist and pressing him back against the frigid glass. He pushed back, struggling for air and freedom but drowning in the tide of testosterone rolling off Vance.

He tried to say something akin to “stop it” and succeeded in a moan that gave more the impression of “harder, deeper” than “no.”

That’s obviously what Vance heard because he clamped his other hand over Stanley’s ass, jerking him in close so their hard-ons ground together. This time, when Stanley found his voice, it was to groan his pleasure at the force of the contact.

Stanley had never considered himself an exclusive top, but when Vance gripped his hair, tilted his head back, and glared into his eyes, he knew he was in for a deep, hard pounding. Again.

“Yes ’r no?” Vance asked, his golden eyes glittering and uncompromising.

“Does it even matter?”

Vance grunted, propelled him back to the bedroom, and more or less threw him facedown on the bed. Not very many men had the size or balls to manhandle Stanley. He wasn’t exactly small or pliable.

He didn’t complain.

He could have. If he had, Vance would have wrestled him down anyway, and sooner or later, he’d let the singer have his way. He’d sported enough bruises over the years to know when Vance wanted it this bad, it was best to give it up. He pushed a pillow under his hips and lifted his ass, which Vance promptly slapped. Hard.

“Oomph.” Stanley flinched and Vance smacked the other cheek.

“Stay.”

“Bossy—ow!” Another slap left his ass burning and his ears ringing. “What—”

Vance’s fingers, slicked with nothing more than spit, invaded him and he bit down on the questions.

“Jesus. Vance….” A low moan escaped as Vance eased his fingers out and back in. “Fuck.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

The fingers disappeared and Stanley craned his neck to watch his lover roll on a condom.

“Lube?” he asked.

“Not goin’ to hurt you,” Vance muttered, leaning over him for the lube on the bedside table.

Stanley lay still and listened to the snap of the lid and the squirt of the near-empty bottle.

“Well?” Vance asked.

Stanley shuddered. He could never decide if he hated this side of his friend or just needed it. After a moment’s hesitation, he reached back, parted his cheeks, and waited. A moment later, he felt the blunt pressure of Vance’s cock, and it was all he could do to relax and breathe through the long, slow slide and stretch.

Once in, Vance proceeded to pump, slow and steady, mercilessly, but not cruelly.

“Vance….”

Stanley closed his eyes and let himself feel the heat rising in his body, the sweat trickling down his sides, the heady fullness and comfort of Vance’s weight. At last, he gave in and swung his arms up to lay one hand atop the other above his head.

Just one of Vance’s hands was big enough to curl around both of Stanley’s wrists and the contact released the last of Stanley’s reticence. He relaxed into the bed and Vance really began to move.

Hard and fast. Punishing, even, until the sound of flesh slapping and Vance grunting filled Stanley’s world. The slick, heavy slide of cock in and out of his body pushed him hard up against his orgasm, but he willed himself still, waiting.

“You wanna?” Vance asked.

Stanley squirmed, thinking to free a hand and try to reach under himself, but Vance tightened his grip.

“You want to?” He asked again, voice hardening as he panted the words out and pumped more determinedly.

Stanley nodded.

“Pardon?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” Vance growled, thrusting hard and deep. “Me first.”

He pulled at Stanley’s shoulder, ramming them together as close as two people were ever going to get, and snarled something too garbled to make out. His cock throbbed, hard and hot inside Stanley, making him moan.

“God, Van….”

“Not yet.” Vance rocked into him, moaning and grinding and finally shuddering out the last of his release.

“Now,” he said, pulling out and discarding the condom in one deft movement. He tipped Stanley over and wrapped one huge hand around his cock, leaned down, and licked at his tip. Stanley dug the back of his head into the pillows, blinking at the ceiling, and humped into Vance’s big, inadequate fist. Wet heat engulfed Stanley. Vance’s mouth, then his throat, closed over him in one long swallow. The shock of his body being emptied one second and his cock sucked down a throat the next was almost enough to send Stanley careening over the edge into orgasm.

Vance growled permission, the hum vibrating into and through Stanley. His eyes rolled back in his head, and dark oblivion clashed with white hot orgasm. Stanley arched up into Vance’s mouth and everything disappeared behind the immediacy of brutal release.

When Stanley managed to get a handle on reality a few moments later, Vance was watching him. His lover’s gaze was a weight across his chest; expectant. It was a long time before he could risk opening his eyes, before he rounded up the courage to see what he always saw there.

No longer harsh or angry or aggressive, the singer’s golden eyes glowed with the familiar, unsettling mixture of hope and confidence. Confidence he’d scrambled Stanley’s brain, and hopeful that this time, he was sated enough to remain scrambled and under Vance’s sway.

He never did.

That utter capitulation to anyone never happened. Never, except with Vance, on rare occasions when the singer demanded every ounce of control, and only rarely did Stanley give it to him. Usually, the sex ended up rough and bruising and exhausting, but not submissive.

The bed creaked and sank, tipping Stanley’s weight to one side. He rolled, once again pressed tight to Vance’s sweaty, sticky skin.

“Take your time,” Vance whispered, caressing his cheek with soft touches of fingers and lips.

Stanley let out a sigh. “You did that thing….”

“Just made an offer,” Vance corrected. “You took it.” It was almost a question.

Stanley almost didn’t have the heart to answer this time. But he couldn’t lie. Finally, he opened his eyes to find Vance leaning over him, watching, expression softly neutral for an unsettling change.

He didn’t have to say anything. Vance dipped his chin, the tiniest movement, acknowledging that yes, he’d had his way, Stanley had given him the power, but he wasn’t going to be allowed to keep it. “Shower?” he asked softly. His way of releasing them from the awkward non-conversation.

Stanley nodded. “If I can walk.”

Vance grinned, forcing the jovial expression past the darker disappointment in his eyes. “I’m not goin’ to let you down. Come on.” He got up and held out a hand.

Taking the offer, Stanley managed to limp his way to the shower where he only had to lean on the wall while Vance took very good care of him, soaping him up, rinsing him off, and spending a lot of time kneading out kinked muscles.

“Spoilin’ me,” Stanley muttered.

“Givin’ back,” Vance replied. “Now shut up an’ turn round so I can get at your shoulders.”

Stanley closed his eyes, enjoying the touch and his friend’s drawl as he gave soft instructions and did his best to remove all trace of where he’d been.

COLLAPSE
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